A is for Abby

Closing the Teach For America Blogging Gap
Feb 10 2011

Moving on, letting go, and saying goodbye

It was decided on Wednesday that I need to make a decision on when I’m departing from my current job and how.  For most people, this would be easy–you set a date, pack up your things, and wave goodbye.  For me, it’s much harder.  I’ve basically had the same job since I was 16 (I’ve moved up the ladder to higher ranking positions, but it’s all within the same organization).  They helped fuel what makes up my entire belief system and what I studied in school.

I’ve also been there almost 10 years–it’ll be 10 years in March–and the idea of walking away is heartbreaking.  Punch in the stomach, gasping for air, hard.  My coworkers are more then just the people I work with.  They’re my friends and have become a second family to me.  These are the people who have become my support system through everything; the ones I can call at 3:00am if I’m having a crisis and they won’t say a word about it other then give me encouragement or support.  They were my cheerleaders during the application process and testing.  They had faith in me when I had none left in me.

How can I walk away from that?

If the stars are in perfect alignment and I follow my heart, I may be able to step down into a lower position, work until the end of June and then come back at work a few days after institute before orientation and then work the Christmas holiday season.  Part of me thinks that’s the best path for me to take and the one that will cause the least amount of pain.  It would mean letting a lot of people down and disappointing even more.  But I’m also at a point where I have to decide what’s more important: a job that stresses me out to the point of physical illness at times or my sanity?  I’m heading into the hardest stretch in my life and I feel like I’m dying right now.  Is that fair to myself?

How do you decide what’s right when neitehr are theoretically wrong?

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